The Internet is for porn

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, besides stating an obvious fact, the header topic is really part of the repertoire of Avenue Q, one helluva musical (and only last year's Tony winer for Best Musical). To paraphrase these Americans - I heart Broadway!

Anyway, today started pretty late, much later than I had originally planned. Since both Stevie and Shell (Michelle of the British Collective) were scheduled to leave on Tuesday, Shell arranged to go visit Central Park - a gorgeous fixture of the New York scene. Stevie decided to lie in a little (lazy bastard) so I only arranged to meet Shell.

Since she was running late (a result of taking the Express and landing up in the Bronx), I had to defrost and headed to the local Starbucks near the stop that we arranged to meet at. This is when you realise that all Starbucks are definitely within 4 blocks of another Starbucks. Seriously. But the good thing about Starbucks is that when you carry a hot drink out into the cold, it really makes your life a lot happier. This kinda helps to explain how Starbucks is everywhere and doing so well - I'm surprised that they were the first to come along. Whereas in Singapore, you have local kopitiams (coffeeshops) everywhere, which makes it all the more surprising that Starbucks is doing so well. And btw, they have some fantastic ginger biscotti.

Anyway, we headed down to Central Park, taking a tour around Jackie O reservoir and some other parts, heading from West to East to West. It's such a beautiful place that I think the only way to describe it would be with pictures. So here goes.


A little piece of heaven known as the Jackie O reservoir.


More of the O reservoir.


Castle on a fort, a traditional feature of America.


Someone's freezin'!


Profile of a Brit Blonde - does she look different from the American version?

Had a fantastic late lunch at a place called City Grill, serving the largest portion of tender roasted chicken EVER. For those who are visiting New York and want a place to eat after 3pm (all the bloody restaurants are closed from 3pm to 5pm - or most of them, anyway), this place is located between 72nd and 73rd Street, along Columbus Avenue. Affordable too, under $20 a head. Seriously, it was heaven in this ridiculous weather. Oh yeah, solid heated bread and great service, seating by the sidewalks in internal heating - basically you can watch the world (New York) go by. Abso-bloody-lutely lovely.

We met up with Stevie later at the Times Square area, where Shell and Stevie proceeded to get their tickets to David Letterman (yes, they got tickets to tonight's edition, with Jim Carrey the guest!). I proceeded to the Times Square area (again) and headed down to the Hershey's shop - essentially a place for chocolate lovers who are suckers enough to pay $20 for Hershey's bears. Oh, and some chocolate too.


More Times Square, but check out the Morgan Stanley and Hershey's lights in the centre.


Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the Americanised/New Yorker edition.

Stevie and Shell actually came over to find me and I had the good chance to talk to both of them, hanging out at a pizza joint known as Sbarro before they headed to the real taping of Letterman. My last time hanging out with them but they were kind enough to pose for the camera, which unfortunately didn't do too good a job without the flash going off.


Stevie hams it up for the camera...


...as does Shell.

So having left the Brit kids to their devices, yours truly decided to queue up for the lottery (again!) for Avenue Q. Obviously, having had a history of the worst luck possible...let's just say that I had to join the queue for TKTS. Here's a tip for those visiting NY for the first time. You want to check out if there are lottery tickets for the Broadway show you're watching and try for those. On most days, if you don't get tickets for them, you just need to walk a few streets down to get tickets for the same performance at half price from the TKTS stall, run by some guys who want to promote theatre or something. The catch, of course, is that really new shows won't have either promotions. For example, I wouldn't have gotten Spamalot! through either means but I could get tickets to The Producers, Hairspray or Avenue Q through such means. Just something to note.

So I got my half-priced tickets, first row of mezzanine floor - fantastic view, really. Oh, and the musical itself? F**KING AMAZING!



I'm not going to spoil the premise for you - if you really want to know more about Avenue Q, you can read up about it here. Essentially, what makes this show unique is that the performers perform with the puppets on stage, so it's kind of like a musical meets The Muppets. A very unique concept but it works.

What makes Avenue Q such an amazing musical isn't its level of funniness or anything like that. If you use Monty Python's Spamalot to set the bar for funniness, it's pretty hard to compare against that. But personally, I really liked Avenue Q because it's a different kind of musical from Spamalot. Spamalot is plain out silly - and for that, it's good. Avenue Q, on the other hand, has a lot of heart and is one of those shows where you can find certain story arcs that connects with you. In that sense, it was really heartening to see a smart interpretation of real events.

Other noteworthy events include the arrival of Yaoquan, who is joining the pack of the homeless kids at Stan's place. Stan's address is now formally changed to Stan's Homeless Shelter, New York. Please send all relevant mails to that address in future.


The founder of Stan's Homeless Shelter and current inhabitants.

Other noteworthy things include seeing scientologists at work yesterday on the Subway, while the possibility of a strike happening today for the public transport system still remains on the cards. As a parting note to all my friends, here are the lyrics to an amazing song of wisdom from Avenue Q.


KATE
The internet is really really great
TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn
KATE
I’ve got a fast connection so I don’t have to wait
TREKKIE
For porn
KATE
Huh?
There's always some new site,
TREKKIE
For porn!
KATE
I browse all day and night
TREKKIE
For porn!
KATE
It's like i’m surfing at the speed of light
TREKKIE
For porn!
KATE
Trekkie!

TREKKIE
The internet is for porn
KATE
Trekkie!
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn,
KATE
What are you doing!?
TREKKIE
Why you think the net was born?
Porn porn porn!

KATE
Treee—kkie!
TREKKIE
Oh hello Kate Monster
KATE
You are ruining my song
TREKKIE
Oh me sorry, me no mean to
KATE
Well if you wouldn't mind please being quiet for a minute so I can finish?
TREKKIE
Me no talkie
KATE
Good

KATE
I’m glad we have this new technology
TREKKIE
For porn
KATE
Which gives us untold opportunity
TREKKIE
For por—oops, sorry
KATE
Right from your own desktop
TREKKIE
For ---
KATE
You can research browse and shop
Until you’ve had enough and you're ready to stop
TREKKIE
FOR PORN!!


Trekkie!
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn!
KATE
Noooo
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn!
KATE
Trekkie
TREKKIE
Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn!

KATE
That’s gross you’re a pervert
TREKKIE
Ah, sticks and stones Kate monster
KATE
NO really, you're a pervert
Normal people don’t sit at home and look
At porn on the internet
TREKKIE
Ohhhh?
KATE
What?!
TREKKIE
You have no idea
Ready normal people?

NORMAL PEOPLE
Ready--- ready ----ready

TREKKIE
Let me hear it!

TREKKIE AND GUYS
The Internet is for porn!
PRINCETON
Sorry Kate
TREKKIE AND GUYS
The Internet is for porn!
PRINCETON
I masturbate!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
All these guys unzip their flies
For porn, porn, porn!

KATE
The internet is not for porn!!

TREKKIE AND GUYS
PORN!, PORN, P---

KATE
HOLD ON A SECOND!

Now i know for a fact that you, Rob, check your portfolio and trade stocks online

ROB
That’s correct.

KATE
And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com

BRIAN
Sure!

KATE
And Gary, you keep selling your possesions on Ebay

GARY
Yes I do!

KATE
And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card

PRINCETON
True!

TREKKIE
Oh, but Kate-
What you think he do . . .after? hmm?

PRINCETON
. .yeah

KATE
EEEWWWWW!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
The Internet is for porn!
KATE
Gross!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
The Internet is for porn!
KATE
I hate porn
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Grab your dick and double click
KATE
I hate you men!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
For porn, porn, porn!
(harmonizing) porn, porn, porn, porn
KATE
I’m leaving!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Porn, porn, porn, porn
porn, porn, porn, porn
KATE
I hate the internet!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Porn, porn, porn, porn

TREKKIE
The internet is for

TREKKIE AND SOME
The internet is for

TREKKIE AND ALL
The internet is for PORN!

TREKKIE
YEAH!


It's too bloody brilliant. And I think the lead actress who plays Kate, who is from the original cast, probably delivers the most nuanced puppet performance ever. Really.